写作·干货丨灵活句式，避免“滥”句型

单词but和词组“not only ... but also …”都表转折意义，大多数情况下，这个词(组)完全可以用另外的形式(如使用not、分号或简化的定语从句)来表达，以使句式更加丰富。

Plain:   The children at school were familiar with many games, but Li Hua had never even heard of them.

Interesting:  The children at school were familiar with many games (that) Li Hua had never even heard of.

【评析】分析原句的句子结构，but连接前后两个句子，表转折，后半句中的them指代的内容实为前半句中的many games，所以这两个句子完全可以使用定语从句来连接，句中的that可以省略。

在业余时间里，他不仅热衷于海上冲浪，而且还热衷于上网。

不合格译文：In his spare times, he not only loves surfing, but also web-surfing.、

【评析】“业余时间”应该是单数spare time；“not only ... but also …”结构一般位于动词后面，而且当中无需逗号，修改后是he loves not only surfing but also web-surfing。

合格译文：In his free time, he enjoys not only surfing but also online activities.

【评析】可以考虑删除“not only ... but also …”结构，直接用and连接两组并列的成分surfing和online activities即可。

最佳译文：In his free time, he is a surfer of both waves and the Internet.

【评析】surfer一词既然兼有“运动冲浪(A)”和“网上冲浪(B)”之意，那就不必使用“not only ... but also …”结构，直接以a surfer of both A and B代替即可。

If从句意为“如果……那么……”。在日常生活中，只要我们稍加留心，就能发现很多含有“如果……那么……”的句型，其实并不需要真的用上“如果……那么……”结构，无论中英文都一样。比如：“如果坐火车的话，那么路上花的时间比较长；如果坐飞机的话，那么时间就比较短”完全可以简化为“坐火车花的时间比较长，坐飞机时间就比较短”。下面我们来看一些可以省去或替换if从句的英文例句。

Plain: If we were directed from government bureaucracy when to sow, and when to reap, we should soon want bread.

Interesting: Were we directed from government bureaucracy when to sow, and when to reap, we should soon want bread.

【评析】虚拟条件句中有were、had或should，可以省略if，把were、had或should提至主语之前，构成主谓倒装。例如：Should he come (= If he should come), tell him to ring me up.

真诚生活，细嚼慢咽，隐瞒年龄，此乃永葆青春之奥秘。

不合格译文：Honest living, eat slowly, hiding your age, these are the secrets of youth.

【评析】三个主语形式应统一，可选择都译为动名词词组形式：“living honestly, eating slowly and hiding your age”，然后加破折号引出后半句。

合格译文：If you live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age, you can keep your youth forever.

【评析】没有语法错误，可以考虑简化两个you及if从句，改为“Live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age can keep your youth forever.”

最佳译文：The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

【评析】选择“奥秘”作译文的主语可令句子主题更为清晰和突出，同时避免了三个主语形成的头重脚轻结构。

由“so ... that ...”和“such ... that …”引导的从句通常表示“如此……以至于……”的意思，两者的差别是前者是和形容词结合使用的，后者是和名词一起使用的。有些英语老师不厌其烦地让学生操练和使用这种句型，导致其泛滥成灾，效果反而不一定好。其实在很多情况下，这个结构都是可以省略的，下面结合一些例句具体阐述。

Plain:  The comedian was so funny that as soon as he started talking people laughed.

Interesting: The comedian soon had people all laughing.

【评析】分析原句，其核心信息是“喜剧演员逗笑了众人”，本身已经包含了“滑稽(funny)”之意，无需再使用“so funny that”结构。

他人又矮又瘦，有点弱不禁风的样子。他干这个能行吗？

不合格译文： It seems that he could even be blown away in such a delicate figure. Can he actually do it?

【评析】行文罗嗦，斜体部分不符合英文表达习惯，且in such a delicate figure中的in应改为with，even在此处语感怪异，实属多余。

合格译文：He is so small, slim and somewhat weak that his ability to do the task is questionable.

【评析】译文将汉语中“矮”、“瘦”和“弱不禁风”三个意思分别译出，用词正确，但加上“so ... that ...”结构后句子略显臃肿，可考虑简化。同样地，“ability to do ... is questionable”也过于啰嗦。

最佳译文：He was small and slight, almost meek. Could he do it?

【评析】他“又矮又瘦”且“弱不禁风”，自然会造成别人质疑他的能力。所以没有必要使用“so ... that ...”结构，“干这个能行吗”简单译成“Could he do it?”文字简洁，表意直接、清晰。